Home Is Where the Ship Is

Monday Mantra

I’m movin’ in … I’m movin’ in … I’m movin’ in …

Home Is Where the Ship Is

Why not cruise full time?

Every so often, you’ll see a news story about an old woman who decides to sell her home and all of her possessions and move, permanently, on to a cruise ship. I’m thinking that’s what I should do. Now.

The idea came to me while I was eating a bowl of Cheerios for dinner. If I lived on a cruise ship, I wouldn’t be eating Cheerios for dinner. I would be eating real food, enjoying multiple courses, and not selecting my meals based on ease of preparation and how much clean-up is required as I do now. Surely, I’d be healthier.

Now, you’re probably thinking that money might stand in the way of my move. While I haven’t really done the math, I’m thinking that living on a cruise ship would actually eliminate a lot of expenses. My monthly co-op maintenance would be history if I sold the place, and grocery shopping would be a thing of the past. Maybe I’d have to limit myself to dining at the free restaurants on board, but I’ve no doubt that many passengers would find my lifestyle so fascinating that I’d be invited a few nights a week to dine with them at the ship’s specialty restaurants (I’m holding out for the steakhouse) and share my experiences.

But food and shelter are just the beginning of my savings! I could say goodbye to the need for cleaning supplies, soap and shampoo, gym dues, linens and towels, cotton balls, Q-Tips, cookware, toilet paper, tissues, light bulbs, my bi-weekly cleaning woman, commuting expenses, cable, gas and electric, entertainment, home improvement projects, dishes and glassware, salt and pepper, Sweet‘N Low, bathrobes, slippers, my annual BJs Wholesale membership, and, of course, the expense of thrice-yearly cruise vacations. And, if I moved on to an all-inclusive ship, I wouldn’t even have to buy booze. I figure toothpaste and sun lotion would be my only constant expenses.

As I consider my upcoming move, things I once considered important to a residence — convenient transportation, accessible shopping, a backyard, and a doorman — are completely irrelevant. Instead, my new priorities are a verandah, a walk-in closet, and a bathroom that doesn’t require me to prop my foot up on the toilet seat when I want to shave my legs in the shower. A little fridge and one of those iPod docking stations would be nice, too.

With no realtors specializing in the type of move I’m looking to make, I’m on my own as I search for the cabin of my dreams. I’ll consider megaships and yacht-like ones, riverboats and expedition ships. And even if I never find a place to live, I’ll have a whole lot of fun house hunting.

— Judi Cuervo