Comforts of Home

→ Coffee: Unless it has a shot of Bailey’s and whipped cream on top, there’s no shipboard cup of coffee as heavenly as my Julius Meinl President’s Blend, something I discovered during a trip to Vienna a decade ago and continue to order over the Internet.→ TV: While getting dressed for the evening, I’d vastly prefer Law & Order reruns, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or even Cupcake Wars to a looped video of the cruise director talking about the island we left two days ago.

→ Veal & Chicken Rosina: With 10 restaurants on board, a buffet a city-block long, a sushi bar and poolside grill, it’s curious that I still find myself fixating on this dish, served only at a local Italian restaurant back home.

→ My Elliptical Machine: Aboard ship, I find a different brand of fitness equipment than offered by my local gym and the cruise is half over before I figure out how to set it correctly.

→ An Iron: What I wouldn’t give for my Rowenta and a nice hiss of steam when I remove that fabulous linen dress from my suitcase.

→ My Recliner: Those cabin side chairs are pretty lame compared to the big, overstuffed recliner in my living room.

→ Hair Products: When it comes to volume and body, nothing beats my gargantuan can of Kerastase K Bouffant Mousse, which I’ve tried and failed to find in a compact travel size. And while we’re talking hair, where’s my big, powerful blow dryer that can give me whiplash on the high setting?

→ Best Friend: You know the one — the friend who either can’t afford a vacation, can’t get the time off from work or simply can’t be convinced that he or she would actually enjoy a cruise.

→ Candles: I love scented candles but that fire thing knocks them right off a cruise ship’s “approved” list. And this I learned when one was quickly confiscated from our cabin as though it was a bottle of vodka.

→ A REAL Newspaper: Oh just stop with that little pamphlet that’s slipped into the mail slot and attempts to cover the news of the world in a couple of pages. Give me The New York Times, Sunday edition, preferably.